An Open "heartfelt" Letter to
By Ashley Moreda
Posted on December 1, 2017 at 10:38 PM
Dearest Kim Jong-un,
Someone with many titles, such as yourself, shows us that it’s only logical that you are indeed logical. You, the Chairman of the State Affairs Commission, are clearly a gift to those who reside within his “state.” Also, because you are the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, a long but benevolent title, it is of course with the concern of your people that you have chosen to practice firing missiles with nuclear capabilities at the United States and Japan.
I realize it has taken great effort, strife, and sacrifice to get where you are today. How dare your treacherous uncle Jang Song-thaek’s counter-revolutionary intentions impede upon the good name of you and your family! You did what anyone would have done. Who has time for a trial and “innocent until proven guilty”? Execution was an obvious choice. It made the election process so much easier. What country needs more than one option in an election? The whole idea is ridiculous, but you figured it out. Kudos.
I can’t help but mention, how completely understandable it is that you have now decided to develop nuclear capabilities. All the other world leaders are doing it, and you most certainly deserve a piece of the nuclear-war-pie. Testing makes perfect sense. You need to know these things work because the alternative would be embarrassing. Could you imagine firing one with the intention of victory, only to have it fizzle and die before hitting its intended target? Awkward. Firing over Japan is definitely a good first choice. Sure it’s a neighboring country with a nuclear power plant, but that’s just a small dot on the map that couldn't possibly affect you. It’s not going to cause any issues should one of your missiles find its way there. It’s not something to worry about, even after the earthquake. Someone that is educated, especially with a degree in physics, like yourself, has an understanding of how these things work.
Speaking of neighbors, the United States’s West Coast isn’t too far away. Between you and I, I think President Donald Trump actually wants to encourage your nuclear effort. Sure he needs to postulate that the US will hold their ground against you when he says, “they will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.” But, deep down, these challenges to your authority are more of an invitation. He clearly sees you as a force to be reckoned with, but it’s obvious he feels you should be able to have these weapons. He must realize that if the biggest world leaders have the opportunity to completely annihilate the earth, it’s only fair for you to do the same. But, let’s be real, the United States is used to this idea of a stand off. The Cold War is evidence enough of that, and the President probably thinks your people should have a chance to build concrete underground bunkers and practice air raid drills. It would be good for them, it’d build character.
Speaking of your constituents, you maintain great leadership over them. Just because journalism in North Korea is ranked at the bottom of the Press Freedom Index doesn’t make your people uninformed. The North Korean people need to know how great their Chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers’ Party of Korea is. Your media, sorry, the country’s media, does a great job making sure they are aware of your greatness. What you require isn’t censorship of the press per se, it’s really protection. In fact, they really don’t need to know what a counterstrike from the US would mean. Ignorance is bliss, and really, why give them any reason to worry if their leader is having a little tiff with a gameshow host? But you, the Deputy of the 13th Supreme People’s Assembly, said yourself, “Our republic is a responsible nuclear state that, as we made clear before, will not use nuclear weapons first unless aggressive hostile forces use nuclear weapons to invade on our sovereignty.” And you indeed seem responsible.
So, General, with your people enthusiastically supporting you, and having a frenemy of President Trump, it’s really a conundrum that anyone would ever consider your actions “Human Rights Violations.” We should all sleep better at night knowing that our world leaders aren’t involved in a pissing contest, just evening out the playing field. What’s a little friendly competition between military powers anyway? Thank you for your continued interest in making this world a safer, more peaceful place.